(By a Leading Hedge Fund in Greenwich, CT)

Times are tough. So to help out, I’m running the following job description submitted by a headhunter from Manhattan. This is an unpaid advertisement, which I’m featuring as a service to my readers.

Job Ref. MN 4623

Our client is a leading US hedge fund with a sterling track record of 20 percent plus returns over a ten-year period.

Total assets exceed $2 billion.

The hedge fund now seeks Managing Directors to spearhead investor returns to the next level.

CHIEF INSIDER OFFICER

The job is to ensure our client has access to material, non-public information in public companies. The hedge fund trades high-technology companies.

Management constantly seizes opportunities to improve portfolio performance.

Full Disclosure: All the risks attached to our client’s activities—turning key executives at leading American businesses—are subject to federal wiretaps.

PERSONAL PROFILE

A Masters in Business Administration/Banking and Finance or an equivalent preferred.

Special consideration given to McKinsey consultants working in positions of trust with a deep base of clients.

The successful applicant will be a self-starter and demonstrate willingness to pass confidential information to the fund’s CEO and/or traders.

For more information on the profile we seek, see, “Anil, you are a hero.”

COMPENSATION

$500,000 annually with no need to leave your current job. Our client, in fact, prefers that you work a double shift.

Big bonuses for lights-out performance.

Ability to invest with our client, whose ten-year track record exceeds 20 percent per annum.

Medical benefits negotiable

To express interest, please post the phone number of a disposable cell phone on Craigslist in the New York City personals section labeled, “missed connections.”

Manlypower Services Ltd

Executive Selections Division

Or comment below.

Norb Vonnegut